At several points in my life, I’ve told myself a damaging lie: “As soon as I can be purified, cleared, cleansed of this or that thought, emotion, experience, or meal, I’ll be fine.” I’ve missed so many day-to-day riches in the name of that impending “purer” or “cleaner” moment.
For years I was destroying myself in the name of “purification,” doing cleanses and fasts with a misaligned attitude – in order to get rid of some supposedly toxic aspect of myself. I see now that it was a deleterious process of shaming myself that didn’t “purify” at all. And although I still cleanse a few times a year, I’m now hosting a quality of investigation throughout the process of cleansing now. It’s not about becoming more pure; it’s simply about paying more attention. And when I pay attention, I can tell the truth – to myself or anyone else – in any moment. And when I tell the truth, that’s purity.
I’ve learned from my teacher Dr. Douglas Brooks that this entire life is a “process of deepening engagement, appreciation and participation,” and I’m sensing that purity has everything to do with my level of engagement, gratitude and authentic participation in my daily life. If something is hard to say, I want to find the courage to say it. That’s purity. If something seems lacking, I want to remember the utter sufficiency of my life as it is, and set the example of that state of sufficiency to my child, my parents, my beloved, and my students. That’s purity.
I’ve destroyed myself in other ways; with addictions and reactions. Because I’m vain enough, I’ve ceased most of those destructive habits. And finally I’ve reached a point when I refuse to endlessly punish myself for those past choices, and will no longer try to purge them from my past. As Byron Katie says, self-destruction is an ancient religion. She adds a ringing high note to ensure that we all stay present, “I’m a woman without a future. So there are no surprises. It all just IS what it is.”
This teaches me the most pivotal lesson of all: what I make of each moment is my choice.
I’m already pure when I ask, rather than worry, about something confusing or awkward. The asking is a part of the engagement with the truth, and that too is purity.
Practice: 5 minutes with purity
Sit still, give your heart and your organs the gift of your breathing. Observe your most pressing, current worry, for just 2 minutes. When I do this sitting, I ask what direction this worry takes: is it a projection into the past, or reaching into the future? Because I’m simply sitting, and every time I investigate that question, I realize that none of those projections are actually happening. Once that seems clear, spend the ensuing 3 minutes savoring the fullness of your breathing, in and around your heart… and any connectedness that arises within yourself, or to others, as you sit. Both the expansion and potential connection are healing for your whole body, and when you observe openly, that observation is a path to purity.
Rather than worry about what’s been done or what’s to come, I want to observe, and investigate more. That’s when I feel connected to my heart, when I feel at ease speaking and living the truth, even in the most personal and emotional moments. That’s purity.
CLEANSES IN NYC:
With a very stable, holistic approach, we can all benefit deeply from a few cleanses a year, when we give our digestive system a breather and invite only the finest nutrients to shower our cells with hydration and nourishment. Be sure to ask for support from the purveyors; each cleanse listed here offers personal support as needed.
My preferred juice [or juice + salad] cleanses come from Rasa Life and Organic Avenue. Both can be delivered to your door and are full of integrity, organic fruits and veggies, and made with love.
On the other hand, meant for folks who have never cleansed and want to “wake up,” start to heal an illness or support the body anew: my 2 favorite detox cleanses. Clean and Total Renewal both include one meal a day, along with supercharged, accessible protein powders and well-wrought supplements.
Elena,
Thank you for being so honest and so subtle. I don’t normally comment, but I identified so much with this post that I had to say something. I have suffered for far too long trying to postpone certain experiences or forfeiting my awareness until the day that I am “pure” enough to warrant it. And I have found myself wondering so many times- am I crazy? Really, would anyone deny themselves the option of celebrating life because they are not pure enough? I have stopped myself at a million different points in my life, literally, taken myself out of the present moment- deciding that I wasn’t good enough to enjoy it. I needed to be MORE present, MORE this, more that…..to “start over”, to erase from my memory every last vestige of all those awkward thoughts and shameful feelings-THEN…and only THEN would I be free to enjoy life. So, thank you for this sobering and enlightening post. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone- that we in fact, are never alone in all the crazy ways we sabotage and drain ourselves.
Tatiana… i’m so grateful… to hear your words is confirmation that we are all together on the same path.
I’m here and at your service. let’s keep the conversation going. if you’d like to, please check out the Yoga of Living Course on this site. it’s password protected; simply submit your email on the upper left of the site [kept only by me, confidential] and you’ll be sent the password in your email inbox. with so much gratitude for your thoughts. ~e
even though we’ve never met, seeing your videos and reading your words makes me feel so inspired and happy and comfortable. thank you, elena.
(also, wouldn’t it be cool if there were a Rasa Life and Organic Avenue in every neighbourhood!?). xx
I love the ‘art of attention’, so often lost in so many aspects of so called ‘spirituality’, especially here in the US. In our fast paced culture, attention, awareness, presence is lost in the fray. I was first deeply introduced to the idea of attention and awareness in the buddhist tradition and then even more deeply in the Gurdjieff work. Life without presence, attention and awareness in my opinion is dull, fragmented and lost. With a real focused, open attention Life becomes rich, beautiful and alive even for things that we ‘dont want’ or that can be painful. Elena, I sincerely appreciate your endeavor, may your attention continue to unfold beautifully. – Matthew
Frith, Matthew,
Firstly Frith, agreed; there should be Rasa Life and Organic Avenue in every city! And Matthew, thank you very much for your kind enthusiasm and contribution. Look forward to continuing the conversation for years to come. -e
Extremely well said as usual, Elena. My current challenge (in the same/similar vein)…knowing I’m doing the work, trying to get to a more authentic place, and yet staying present for the process (versus “won’t it be better when i get there already?”) And the cleansing thing you described…been there, done that too. Only realized it when I started receiving clients doing the same thing. Thank God for the mirror they provided!
I am filled with gratitude for this site elena. I love how open and honest you are about your “flaws” they make you so real and from someone who has hid hers or not let others close because of them.. you make me realize, its okay.. its human to have these perceived ‘flaws’ they make me who I am.. they are my path..to learn to be with them and in them in the moment and squeeze the juice out of every experience. I so look forward to learning as much as I can from your yoga of living course!
Dear Elena, I’ve been reading your posts now for several months, and they have helped me soo much. I explore them a little deeper in my classes with my students..they give me so many ideas for themes (hope that’s ok). I currently teach in Ireland but was certified to teach in the US..so I’ll be back in NY for the holidays and I look forward to coming to one of your classes! PS Just ordered the Yoga Earth nutritional supplements (both balance and vitality)..Deee-licious!! Thank you!!
Thank you for such a thoughtful post. Your reminder to be more gentle with ourselves/myself for past and current choices and life situations is most helpful at the moment. To deepen and accept the current state of our relationship with ourselves in a simply-being state will help us be more available to others in our life in a mutually respectful way.
A lovely thing to ponder on this lovely day.
Hi Elena,
Thank you for this thought-provolking post. Since I have been doing yoga I notice how much more deeply I feel things (emotions) and while it’s good sometimes it’s really painful and I feel intense suffering. I had a negative interaction with someone I was dating and felt like I had to purify my life from his negative energy (that energy was in such contrast to my wonderful life full of loving friends, family, yoga, good health and so I had to get it out, ie purify asap). So I guess in this instance you would recommend sitting with the emotions and “asking” rather than pushing them out “purifying”? Or perhaps this article refers mostly to the relationship with the self and wanting to purify aspects within.
Thanks for your lovely light.
Natalie
Natalie, you aren’t feeling things more deeply, just seeing them more clearly. And yes, ASK, don’t try and resist; our resistance only cements things more deeply within us. Redefining “purification” is what is at hand here. Respectfully, e
Dearest Elena Brower,
You have given me a great gift. This gift is one that I find myself inspired to share with my students. Your written words invoke feelings of spaciousness and gratitude amidst my cycles of birth and rebirth again and again moving as the oceans waves roll.
From the depths of my heart please accept this gratitude and know that your words are inspiring those half world away.
With love from Shanghai,
bb